You feel like this:
I shouldn’t be feeling this way.
I don’t know why I’m feeling this way because my life is good/isn’t bad.
There’s something wrong with me.
I can’t seem to feel happy.
I’m just going through the motions.
I have times I don’t feel like doing ANYTHING.
I feel so heavy.
And then you:
Go to your doctor and try antidepressants.
Hide how you’re feeling to the people you know.
Try to suppress how you’re feeling until you feel like you’ll explode.
Numb how you’re feeling with various things (TV, video games, alcohol, etc.).
Feel more and more hopeless, frustrated, confused.
Does this sound like you?
Can we talk about the missing element here?
It’s Y O U.
You are what's missing.
Let me explain...
Are you feeling unfulfilled?
Do you feel disconnected?
Have you gone through a lot of change or loss and don’t know who you are or what to do?
Have you been mistreated or abused? Do you feel worthless, not good enough, rejected?
There are so many reasons why we can feel depressed.
And I think they’re all valid because it’s how you feel.
And how you feel is valid because it’s your experience. Period.
But that doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to feel that way forever or that you deserve to be depressed or that you should believe what the depression tells you.
I want to offer you a different perspective.
I think that perhaps:
You might actually be feeling unfulfilled in your life
You haven’t felt validated in your experience or feelings (yet) and so…
You’ve come to believe you’re diseased and that there’s something wrong with you
Others have made you feel like you aren’t good enough, and so you came to believe that, too
You’ve been failed by other medical/mental health providers, family or friends- they haven’t seen you for who you truly are and what you actually need
You never really got to live your life according to what you want or what makes you happy- and if you did, it feels like a long time ago now
It feels impossible to make changes in your life that would make you happier- you’re stuck in your job, you don’t have enough money, you’re in a bad situation
You haven’t learned (or even knew it to be important) to sit with yourself, feel your feelings, be compassionate toward yourself, and thus, CONNECT with yourself
Here's a process I use with my patients and clients...
1) Validate how you’re feeling
2) Don’t fixate on what’s “wrong” with you and instead…
3) See how it all fits together to create what you’re going through right now
4) Use this to create CLARITY around your experiences/circumstances/feelings
5) Address the parts of you that may feel unfulfilled. What do they want?
Who is the most fulfilled version of you?
Working through this can help you feel more empowered.
You may start to feel a part of you come back to life.
You may not be able to do this on your own and THAT'S OK. We are meant to seek help when we need it.
Don't think you're failing if you can't figure it out alone.
Get the help you need!
Work with people that see you for who you really are and are just as excited about you healing as you are.
And as ALWAYS, if you are in a crisis, don't wait. Contact help. Call or text.
Dr. Cailin O'Hara is a passionate provider, mentor, and forever student of life here to translate her experiences into hope, wisdom and light.