Perfectionism + Shame
Not feeling good enough is pretty much at the root of our suffering.
We strive to never feel inadequate (perfectionism) or we resign ourselves to being a failure as a way to cope and not feel that sense of shame.
Perfectionism is an INTENSE driving force humming with anxiety.
I became increasingly perfectionistic as I was growing up.
The idea of doing something wrong felt like the most unbearable embarrassment.
What initially felt like a satisfying way to control things became a near-deadly downward spiral.
I have spent decades now cultivating a loving relationship with myself as the antidote to perfectionism.
(and I'm doing a good job! 🙂)
I want to share with you some helpful insights.
Let's dig in.
We strive to never feel inadequate (perfectionism) or we resign ourselves to being a failure as a way to cope and not feel that sense of shame.
Perfectionism is an INTENSE driving force humming with anxiety.
I became increasingly perfectionistic as I was growing up.
The idea of doing something wrong felt like the most unbearable embarrassment.
What initially felt like a satisfying way to control things became a near-deadly downward spiral.
I have spent decades now cultivating a loving relationship with myself as the antidote to perfectionism.
(and I'm doing a good job! 🙂)
I want to share with you some helpful insights.
Let's dig in.
Keeping it Together‣‣ Are you trying to keep things together? What does that feel like? How is it working? How much energy do you expend doing it?
‣‣ How much are you trying to control? How much do you think is under your control? What is your relationship with control? ‣‣ How do you feel about letting go? ‣‣ Trying to control circumstances or other people is exhausting and stressful. It also blocks the natural unfolding of things, which is where the magic of life really lives. |
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"Should" Shaming‣‣ This goes back to those core beliefs we talked about in overwhelm.
‣‣ How often do you "should" shame yourself? ("I should/n't be doing this or that") ‣‣ Any less than acceptance of who you are is NOT ENOUGH. ‣‣ Practice noticing when you're feeling inadequate in some way and try to hear the underlying shaming story. Then rewrite the fuck out of it. |
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Feeling Inadequate‣‣ Feeling inadequate is the root of perfectionism, the fuel of anxiety.
‣‣ Ultimately the approval you seek is your own. You will never feel enough until YOU believe you're enough. Don't bother looking for approval elsewhere. ‣‣ The more you allow yourself to be who you are and embrace who you are, the more liberated you'll feel. ‣‣ Instead of feeling not enough, can you give yourself full permission to be who you are? Can you let yourself bloom naturally? |
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The Searing Feeling of Shame‣‣ We do anything to avoid feeling shame, including burning ourselves out, sacrificing our values or checking out on life completely.
‣‣ The stories of shame we carry were built long ago, passed along in generations. But it's up to us to clear them from our paradigm. ‣‣ When you feel that awful searing feeling of not being good enough, you get the opportunity to console that part of you who feels rejected. This kills shame and helps you come back home to yourself. |
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